Most of us think we know a lot about sex. Why wouldn’t we think we know a lot? Our culture is sex obsessed while at the same time tells us that sex is taboo. The result is sex ends up always being in the air while also being shrouded in myth and mystery.
It’s not much better for therapist. Most counselors don’t have a class on sexuality. Heck in my own training as a therapist, even though saying this feels like betraying my favorite professor, basic information about sex was painfully lacking. The worst part was being caught between feeling like I ought to know a lot about sex and knowing that I had no idea how to find good information. Enter Emily Nagoski Ph.D, a sex educator who makes the science of sex fun and simple. I just fished her cleverly titled book Come as You Are (affiliate) and was floored. So I looked her up online and ran across the web comic where she describes sexual desire and women. I thought it only right I pass it on. Enjoy!
Sexual desire, especially for women, is a combination of an accelerator AND a break. Most of the time couples have trouble with sex/desire/arousal the major issue is the accelerator being pushed when the break is still on. The break is sensitive to stress. So the best aphrodisiac is to ease off the break instead of push harder on the accelerator.
Action Question: What turns my woman off? How can I remove that barrier?
Come As You Are is a great read. If you’d like your own copy click the link below (affiliate). This books is a must read for every woman and everyone in a relationship with a woman. Oh, and if you know anyone who needs to know about this stuff, please share it with them!
P.S. I’m playing with the idea of talking more about what I learned from this book in a series called ‘Not Safe for
Work Christianity’ (NSfC). NSfC would talk about things like:
- Why BDSM makes (a strange sort of) sense
- How vaginas and scrotums are the same thing #homology
- Why your friend always goes back to that jerk
I’d address all of these issues from my perspective as a christian and as a therapist who occasionally deals with sexual issues. If you think that would be cool, let me know in the poll.
I’m Jordan Harris. I have a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy. I’ve dedicated myself to being an excellent father and a thoughtful husband. I’ve studied hypnosis with Douglas Flemons, one of the most innovate and imaginative therapist on the planet, and I’m pretty sure, after specializing in couples therapy, that emotional connection is what it’s all about. Please leave a comment. I’d LOVE to hear from you.
***the links for the book are affiliate links meaning if you buy from this link I’ll receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.